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AAF23SBXWritingsConstructive coaching vs Destructive coaching

Written By: Kitten - Mar• 01•14

What is20140420-011940.jpg the difference between constructive coaching and destructive coaching. Let’s look at two responses to the same situation.

During a basketball game, Lisa tries to rebound the ball when the other team misses a shot. She doesn’t jump and slaps at the ball. Mary does not remain in her position.

Response 1- coach screams at Lisa and tells her if she doesn’t start jumping for the rebound and stop slapping at the ball, she will be sitting on the bench for the rest of the game. Coach then berates the player to the point of tears. Coach also screams the same at Mary to remain in her spot unless the ball is near her and if she cant, she can sit the bench too.

Response 2-coach calls a time out and shows mary exactly where she needs to stay and shows her the zone to cover. Coach explains to Lisa how important it is to jump and not to slap at the ball, but try to catch it.

Two different responses to the same situation will result in two different responses from the players. In response 1, the players will probably stub up and get upset. They will the rebel at anything the coach says to do. They will half heartedly finish the game. The other players will get upset at how their friends are being talked to, and will respond the same way. You upset the kids, you upset the parents. Before long, you are having players quit due to your coaching process.

By taking the time to explain things better, the players will be able to listen and process what you are saying. By not embarrassing them, they aren’t going to stub up and refuse to do what you say.

You can’t coach children by trying to tear them down. Younger kids respond with kindness. You bring a player to tears, and they just might give up the sport forever.

EXAMPLES OF DESTRUCTIVE PHRASES

  • I can’t believe you are letting yourselves get beat by a bunch of girls
  • How can you act so stupid
  • Quit acting like a baby
  • Are you deaf or something
  • Retarded, moron, imbecile

EXAMPLES OF CONSTRUCTIVE PHRASES

  • Ok, let’s try that again
  • This is exactly what I want you to do.
  • Awesome, that’s exactly how I wanted you to do it.
  • Yes you messed up. Let’s forget about it, and move on. You know what not to do next time.
  • work as a team and help each other
  • Great job and talking to each other
  • Way to hustle.
  • think about what you need to do and where you need to go

I developed this way of thinking after many years of coaching and running a basketball league. I found that children will respond with more favorable results with constructive coaching. I have seen many coaches who seem to cling to the destructive way of coaching. My heart breaks as I see their players faces try to hold back the tears. I want to go to the coach and talk to them, the way they are talking to their players. I’ve seen the players leave the game with tears streaming down their faces. I’ve heard children tell me the reason they quit playing is because of the way the coach talked to them. Coaching children of a younger age is entirely different, than coaching children of the preteen and teenage Years. I myself have confronted coaches of my children. I told them either they calmed their words down, or I would remove  my child from the team.

I have had many former players play for high school, middle school and travel teams. By the time children are at an age to pay for school. They are old enough to be able to handle more aggressive methods of coaching. They don’t need it when they are little.

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174 Comments

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  123. This looks like a perfect meal for new years day, i also have a new crock so i shall be making this for sure. the wine would give the dish a nice lift! c

  124. MARINES disse:OLA ROBISOM EU SOU MARINES FUNCIONARIA DA OXFORD E ADOREI TUA PALESTRA ,PENA TER SIDO SO PRA ALGUNS FUNCIONARIO ,DEVERIA TER SIDO PRA TODOS É BOM D+EU VIM DE RONDONIA LA APEZAR DE SER UM LUGAR + POBRE LA SIM SI TEM BONS AMIGOS E DIALAGO ,CONVERSA T TEMPO PRA SE TER AMIGOS COM CARRINHO ,MUITO AMOR PARA COM OUTRAS PESSOAS .VC NÃO TEM IDEIA COMO FOI DIFICIL EM ME ACOSTUMAR AQUI EM SBS

  125. Another nitpick would beBelgium’s Vlaams Belang party, which grew out of the Vlaams Blok nationalist party, many of whose members collaborated with the Nazis during World War II, In the beginning, that’s in 1978, Vlaams Blok indeed was the natural home for flemish nationalists who had collaborated with the Nazis. I don’t know what the fraction was at the beginning, but by 2004, when the party was renamed, there sure were very few of them left.

  126. I see what you are saying; however, if my neighbor were running for office and you supported a different candidate, that would throw a bit of suspicion on your rumor due to the issue of motivation. I may be jaded and cynical, but in politics, I have seen the worst kind of untruths peddled solely to discredit an opposing candidate.

  127. Ale Gonzalezon Recien descargue el froyo a mi milestone y es una mugre se bloquea cuando presiono cualquier acceso directo y el widget del control de energia no aparece ni siquera puedo entrar en la galeria multimedia como puedo hacer para volver a la version anterior?Porque ahora parece que volvi al viejo ladrillo(tango 300)

  128. super, j’espere que ca pourra t’aidertiens moi au courant des resultats du sondage. tu seras peut etre etonnee par ce que recherche les clientsyael recently posted..

  129. By June 28, 2012 – 11:55 amOh my agreeableness! certain tremendous drug dude. Thank you Against the grain I’m experiencing disquiet in there with ur rss . Don’t bet on why Impotent against subscribe en route to it. Is there anyone getting any one just alike rss blemish? Anybody who is conversant of gratifyingly respond. Thnkx

  130. I have to agree with the second point, sometimes you have to take the objective feedback on board – BUT it can be so difficult … especially when you’re emotionally invested in something you’ve taken the time to write. As Bryan states in the comments, being able to accept feedback is a blessing.

  131. BWBTT – Those are excellent additions to the list! I work out of a home office with music or television usually playing … and I keep the mute button close so that I can turn the sounds off when I'm on the phone.We don't teach 'manners' enough to our young people any longer. That is a shame.

  132. My kids love curry too, and I love that they love it! This dish looks sooo good, I am definitely going to give it a go as soon as the weather cools down a bit. I always seem to get little hands in my pictures too. Hmm..must come with the territory of being mommy. I have to say, I really enjoy following your blog!

  133. Hello me darlin,i think your suggestion has worked THANK YOU.I adore this beautiful card,she is sooooo cute.The colours are gorgeous and i love all the dp's n embellies.Gentle huggles for that poorly shoulder.xxxx

  134. Supervisor in cheif – I don’t give a shit tht uve been here twenty years. Ur still the same as me u gt paid the same as me. If u want to lord ur opinion go apply for the supervisors job.

  135. ஜீ₪ஜீAdriαиα LÑ”iтєஜீ₪ஜீ / Parabénssss!!!meu lindoooo muitas felicidades que este dia especial seja cheio de felicidades , a muita alegria…bjusss!!!!com muito carinho AdriαиαGD Star Ratingloading…

  136. Hello, i’m looking a job in manufacturing also in production because i am a factory worker in Taiwan, i am a cnc machine operator in almost 3 years. i hope you will find me to apply in your company as your employee and i garanteed to you that i am doing all my best of my knowledge in my ability.

  137. When I first decided that I wanted to build wealth, I started studying everyone that had what I wanted. I read books, I spoke with friends, and I started to see a common theme. The people who made it there got there through lots of hard work and they built momentum, by starting out and never stopping or slowing. Great post!

  138. Kevin, you asked,“BT, why couldn’t episcope simply mean ‘oversight’ and not ‘office of overseer’?”Bauer’s Greek lexicon (BAGD) places Acts 1:20 and 1 Timothy 3:1 under this definition for “episkope” (επισκοπη): “position or office as an overseer. . . . esp. the office of a bishop.” He places 1 Timothy 3:2 under this definition for “episkopos” (επισκοπος): “persons who have a definite function or a fixed office within a group. . . including a religious group.”

  139. I love how you guys just keep removing things that we've really liked from YouTube. Yay for you. Thanks for also for not keeping us up to date on the things you are removing. We really appreciate the frustration when we realise what you've done. Now, seriously, I read all your alternate blogs. Why can't you guys just even admit, however vague, that you guys are putting in lots of new changes and tell us if things we see missing will be permanent or just something you guys are working out. Thanks

  140. “O problema reside no Livro ou na interpretação?”Ambos. No livro, particularmente os chamados “versículos da espada”.E nas interpretações dominantes.Tal como o marxismo: no Das Kapital e Manifesto Comunista. E nas interpretações dominantes.Não é um “ou”. É um “e”.Conjunção. Não disjunção.

  141. What lovely descriptions! I am trying to find something new to read and have heard a lot about Cloud Atlas. Most were favorable reviews, so I think I will be searching for that next.

  142. lol that was cute 0_0 … but hes afraid that other dog will take over duke’s thrown so he has to make sure they dont get in his was like Zeus

  143. DESCHAMPS Nadine dit :Je vends des vins pour une très grande maison de vins de Chinon. Je participe régulièrement à des soirées Slam dans mon village et je serai donc bien heureuse de participer à cet évènement. je tente donc ma chance.

  144. Loa loa loa, tại TPHCM, có ai ở khu vực quận 7 muốn làm tình nguyện viên giúp mình phân loại quần áo thì lên tiếng nhé.

  145. they don't look like they were starving.but then again, even if I was starving, I wouldn't be shinning and grinning like these Slave Catching Coons, debasing myself for what – a paycheck?

  146. Flatun:Vous vous rendez compte quand même que le reste du monde demande aux blancs de ne jamais se dépeindre sans oublier de dépeindre les autres?Je croyais que le « Fardeau de l’Homme Blanc » c’était du passé?Quand je regarde le Cosby Show je ne me dis pas « ils sont tous noirs, il n’y a pas de blancs ». Je regarde le show parceque c’est un bon show: je l’ai regardé pendant 5 ans d’affilée quand j’étais gamin.

  147. Sure, that’s why Toyota recalled 16 million vehicles. Toyota is crap, in terms of styling, and reliability. It’s more of the same, and everyone has one. Nothing individual about it. The only reason that Consumer Reports puts good marks on the Asian cars is because they’re huge in America, and Consumer Reports would get shot down if they started to call them bad. When the Asian cars first came to America, they were cool and sporty, i.e. second gen Civic.  Now they’re awful.

  148. friends are putting down on houses and spending on car payments, and instead, went with Kyle to France. To Patagonia. To Ecuador. And soon, Colombia. (Click on those links for scandalous photos of us at

  149. Hi, I am also confused about how to add click to buy links for content we sell through our site and not itunes or amazon. Is this possible? Also wanted to use content id but we don't have exclusive rights to all of the video samples I've uploaded, but we do have exclusive rights to some of the videos. How do I sign up for content id for the ones we do own exclusive rights for?

  150. Hoyer puts me in mind of the honcho of the SEIU. Their mannerisms are similar,they look,and sound alike. They are both slimey little “SMALL TIME CROOKS”

  151. I can’t say who’s right and wrong in this picture as iv’e not actually seen it.All i can say that protesters have their right to show what they feel but not to the extent of violating the rules of the law.On the governments side, law enforcers should not use excessive force if not necessary.

  152. Hello There. I discovered your weblog the usage of msn. This is a very smartly written article. I will make sure to bookmark it and return to learn more of your helpful information. Thank you for the post. I will definitely comeback.

  153. Write more, thats all I have to say. Literally, it seems as though you relied on the video to make your point. You obviously know what youre talking about, why throw away your intelligence on just posting videos to your blog when you could be giving us something enlightening to read?

  154. I just love me a good word study, Elaine!This one is no exception. The breakdown of the words of this scripture really made me think. They seem so straightforward, but we take so much for granted–at least I do.I want to be like this woman. Seeing my dreams in the open field. Trusting Him for them.This was lovely, a real ruby.

  155. Oi Thais!O melhor papel é o papel próprio pra origami, que a gente acha super facil na internet msm.Já vem quadrados do tamanho q vc escolher, e vem com pactes de até 500 folhas se nao me engano.Eu ainda não defini, se de lirio ou rosas.bjo

  156. stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid morons….How many suit and tie monkey's does it take to ruin something, how ever many work at Youtube. Only a moron would come up with an idea this stupid. Take your idea and shove back from where you pulled it out. Suits are the dumbest people on earth. Demotion of videos with profanity….you are the dumbest fucks ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  157. digam o que disserem,é a 1ª vez que vou ver um concerto e mesmo que a lista não seja a que queria que fosse,eu vou à mesma pelos Pearl Jam.Pearl Jam é dinheiro bem gasto. SÃO OS MELHORES!!!

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