AAF23WritingsToo fast, too fast!! Slow down, slow down!!!

Written By: Kitten - Apr• 17•14

I got20140420-010128.jpg my sons graduation package today. It’s all happening way to fast. I want it to stop. I’m scared. I want Davey to go to college and learn independence. But I’m scared that he won’t be able to succeed. He has always had his teachers to help him understand things if he had trouble. College professors won’t do that. I don’t want him to fail. I feel my world is spinning to fast. I’m torn in so many different directions. I don’t know whether I’m coming or going sometimes.

Ive got so much on my mind, my neck and shoulder muscles stay knotted up. I have started keeping my worries and concerns to myself, because I dont want people to pity me, nor do I want them to think I’m a hypochondriac. I know some think my health issues are all in my head. The doctors can’t figure out what is causing it, so therefore I’m not hurting, right?

And now that Davey is getting ready to graduate, I will be losing a chunk of what I use to take care of him and buy what he needs. i know that my baby won’t let me do without anything I need. He has told me over and over. But I’m just so scared of this.

In less then a month, my family will be traveling here for the graduation. So now I got to deal with making this apt spotless. Not that they expect or want me too, but I just have to. I think I will start on the living room tomorrow. Well see how far I get.

im just so worried about Davey. I guess I have been over protective of him for longer then I should have. I have always just worked with his teachers and counselors to make sure he succeeds. I don’t know if his college has things like that available Or not. I guess I could ask his resource teacher.

I have been on the verge of tears all week. I can’t sleep and cant control my eating. I have avoided going to the store to try to curb my urges. But where most people would reach for a cigarette or a beer, I reach for anything I have available. And when I eat, I instantly regret it. From the swelling and pain in my stomach, to the psychotic thoughts of failure I have. eating=failure and then I eat more to numb the failure which causes even more feelings of failure.  I want to be thin. I want to be able to wear nice clothes without looking like a stuffed sausage.

My mood swings are all over the place. Today was a good day. Yesterday was horrible. I hated being at work. I hated having to deal with people.

i think I need to start seeing my counselor again.


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